Triggers in Relationships: Why You're Not Overreacting

Have you ever had one of those moments where your emotions hit you like a tidal wave, and you’re left wondering, “Why am I reacting this way?” Maybe your partner made a small comment, and suddenly, you felt like you weren’t good enough. Or a friend canceled plans, and instead of brushing it off, you felt completely abandoned. Then comes the shame: Am I just too sensitive? Am I overreacting?

Let me be clear—you’re not overreacting. What you’re experiencing is a trigger. And it makes perfect sense.

What Are Triggers, Really?

A trigger is when something in the present—something someone says, does, or doesn’t do—stirs up an old emotional wound. It’s not just about what’s happening right now; it’s about everything that moment reminds your nervous system of.

For example:

• If you grew up feeling unheard, you might feel triggered when your partner interrupts or dismisses your feelings.

• If you’ve experienced abandonment, a delayed text response might make your chest tighten with anxiety.

• If you were constantly criticized, even gentle feedback might make you feel like you’re failing.

Your brain isn’t just reacting to this moment—it’s reacting to every similar moment before it.

Why You’re Not “Too Sensitive”

When you’re triggered, your body is doing what it learned to do to keep you safe. If you’ve ever found yourself getting defensive, shutting down, lashing out, or people-pleasing when something upsets you, that’s not an overreaction—that’s survival mode. Your brain is wired to protect you from pain, even if the threat isn’t actually there anymore.

So when someone tells you, “You’re overreacting,” what they don’t realize is that your nervous system is responding to years—maybe decades—of unhealed hurt. And that’s not something you can just snap out of.

How to Handle Triggers in Relationships

1. Pause & Get Curious – Instead of shaming yourself, ask: What about this situation feels familiar? You might realize it’s not just about the moment at hand—it’s about something much deeper.

2. Validate Your Feelings – Your emotions make sense. Even if they seem “too much” to someone else, they’re real, and they deserve attention.

3. Communicate (When You’re Ready) – If it feels safe, try sharing what’s coming up for you. Instead of reacting in the heat of the moment, later you might say, “When this happened, I felt really anxious because it reminded me of past experiences where I felt ignored.”

4. Regulate Your Nervous System – Grounding exercises, deep breathing, or simply stepping away to calm yourself can help your body move out of survival mode.

5. Give Yourself Grace – Healing triggers takes time. It’s okay if you don’t always handle them perfectly. What matters is that you’re paying attention to yourself and making space for healing.

Final Thoughts

You’re not broken. You’re not “too much.” And you’re certainly not overreacting.

Triggers are a sign that something inside you is asking for attention and healing. Instead of judging yourself for them, try seeing them as an opportunity—to understand yourself better, to heal old wounds, and to move toward relationships where you feel safe, heard, and valued.

You deserve that kind of connection. And healing is absolutely possible.